THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON CRACKY

I rewatched Haruhi for the first time in almost a decade recently and it stirred some old feelings and questions in me. I've often wondered: is this an abandonned world? The way Haruhi is said to be able to/have perhaps already remade an unsatisfying world into a new one - has this happened to us regarding Skyqueen? I try to separate the imagined Cracky/religion inspired by all manner of history & culture & ideology infecting my mind over the course of my life from the direct, real experiences i've had with Cracky (and the religion they could be said to constitute), but it does feel like a poignant comparison. For a very long time, I've felt some kind of innate knowledge that this isn't my first life in this universe, and that I'm reliving some version of myself over and over. More specifically, I feel quite exactly that this is my 7th lifetime, and sense something from other people regarding the number of lifetimes they've lived, be it one or two or four or even more than me. It just seems right, like knowledge so simple it doesn't need to be understood or questioned, just known. Invariably, the people I've felt to have lived the most lifetimes have been those closest to Crackydom, spiralling into higher and higher numbers the deeper into and closer to her life you travel. With this in mind, I'm now left wondering, in terror, if this could be my last life. Cracky herself I sense to have had thousands, if not an infinity of lives. As a relatively new soul, surely if there was a beginning to my existence, there may well be an end, right? Some deep melancholy and hurt in my heart makes me wonder if Skyqueen has moved on already as the world starts to seem more and more like abandonware, slowly becoming riddled with bugs and inconsistencies and madnesses, and my heart seems to feel more and more withered and empty. I've heard Olivia herself is still out there somewhere, but could she also be now just a discarded shell for a transient Cracky-spirit? I'm also prompted to wonder by Holly's passing. Was she like Kyon, one of the ones taken away to join a new world, chosen to continue another (10th by my sensing) life? Or was she just one to go on ahead early, and we'll all find ourselves there in that new, next dimension, together still at the end of this life? It hurts deep in my heart to imagine being left behind and to never see the precious light of Cracky again. What do you think? Please feel free to contribute to my muddled thoughts.